Looking Like The Real Thing

by Neil Porter

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about

Finally finished my fifth collection of original songs, and here it is: "Looking Like The Real Thing" contains songs written in Australia and France, recorded in jiguma studio in Pambula Beach NSW. As you'll hear, my songs are about diverse subjects in a variety of styles from acoustic rock to jazz influenced blues, RnB to disco ;) There's always a tangential element to the words - some are obliquely political, others are based on our "home away from home" in beautiful Franche-Comté, and another on our experience living in Munich in 1994.

For the first time, this collection is (musically) a purely local effort - in fact VERY localised indeed (mainly me) with vocal support from Jan, and a few of the PBGB crew (Peter Reid, Kerry Hynes, Mick Nadin on "Snake Oil") playing on "Snake Oil".

I play most instruments on this set of recordings - guitars, bass, keyboards and drum programming - as well as vocals and production.

Cover art is from a photo of a small section of the Berlin Wall taken by me in 2015 - artist unknown.

credits

released January 1, 2017

Neil Porter: Vocals, Guitars, Bass, Keyboards, Drum and percussion programming

Except:

"I Walked In My Sleep Last Night" and "First World Blues"
Jan Porter backing vocal

"Snake Oil":
Mick Nadin - harmonica
Kerry Hynes - backing vocal
Peter Reid - drums

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about

Neil Porter Pambula Beach, Australia

Singer songwriter from Pambula Beach in Australia. LOTS more music at www.macjams.com/artist/jiguma

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Track Name: Looking Like The Real Thing
Looking Like The Real Thing
©2016 Neil Porter

Not much more that I can do
I just wanna get through to you
I’ve got nothing left to say
Pack my things and go away
I try to see your point of view
But there’s a bad man standing next to you

You don’t know what you put me through
I just wanna get close to you
Feel like I’ve been washed ashore
I can’t do this anymore
I try to see your point of view
Bad man standing next to you

I couldn’t help myself
You were looking like the real thing
I had to stop myself
Stop myself
I’d get down on my knees
But you know my skin is thin
Looking like the real thing
You were looking like the real thing

You with him that makes me blue
I just gotta get close to you
One day you might understand
I just wanna be your man
I try to see your point of view
Bad man standing next to you

Bad man standing next to you
Bad man standing next to you
Bad man standing next to you
Bad man standing next to you
Bad man standing next to you
Bad man standing next to you
Track Name: Snake Oil
Snake Oil
©2016 Neil Porter

Mean Mr Mustard
Got his foot in the door
I don’t understand
What you opened it for

Drop your guard
And he’ll walk right in
Oozing that snake oil
On everything

Chorus:
Snake oil, snake oil
Come and get your snake oil
And you’ll stay alive
Til a hundred and ten
Snake oil, snake oil
Buy my fine snake oil
Gonna make you richer
Than you’ve ever been

Mass hypnosis
Wild tirade
He’s got all the skills
Of the snake oil trade
Big on slogans
Small on hands
Gonna make America
Snake again

Chorus

Money on the counter
He’ll give us all a case
Snake oil man
In a snake oil race
Drop your guard
And he’ll walk right in
Oozing that snake oil
On everything

Chorus

Gonna make you richer
Gonna make you richer
Gonna make you richer
Than you’ve ever been
Snake oil, snake oil
Gonna make you richer
Than you’ve ever been
Track Name: First World Blues
First World Blues
©2016 Neil Porter

Verse: | Am | A7sus4 | FM7/A | FM7/A |

I’m a modern man
I’ve got modern views
Look at my feet
I’ve got the latest shoes
I drive a fancy car
You should get one too
I’m just a first world man
I’ve got the first world blues

Chorus: | Dm | D7sus/A | Am | Am |

First world blues
Feel like they’re coming tonight
First world blues
I hope I’m doing them right

I help my first world friends
I tend to pick and choose
I’m learning all I can
I’m on the morning news
Can’t seem to do too much
I drink the finest booze
I’m just a first world man
I’ve got the first world blues

First world blues
Feel like they’re coming tonight
First world blues
I hope I’m doing them right

BRIDGE Em Bm Dm Am

I’m running late and my car won’t start
Don’t know what I’m gonna do
My baby left me and she broke my heart
Got first world problems
Got the first world blues

SOLO on verse

First world blues
Feel like they’re coming tonight
First world blues
I hope I’m doing them right

I’m doing all I can
Done all the interviews
I smile and look so neat
Watch all my “p”s and “q”s
My girl’s a beauty queen
You ought to get one too
I’m just a first world man
I’ve got the first world blues

First world blues
Feel like they’re coming tonight
First world blues
I hope I’m doing them right

OUTRO on chorus

First world blues
Feel like they’re coming tonight
First world blues
I hope I’m doing them right
Track Name: I Walked In My Sleep Last Night
I Walked In My Sleep Last Night
©2015 Neil Porter

Just got back from promised land
Doom in doorway blood on sand
Have to do the best I can
Just got back from promised land

Big white bird on 2 day flight
Twelve hours sleep might put me right
Airports get me feeling tight
Big white bird on 2 day flight

I walked in my sleep last night
I walked in my sleep last night

SOLO

Hole in pillow dreamed too hard
Racked up fortune credit card
Jet lag, gulf stream, beggar, guard
Hole in pillow dreamed too hard

Out the door in my sleep last night
In the dark you’re out of sight
Mumbling fool done nothing right
Out the door in my sleep last night

Walked in my sleep last night
Walked in my sleep last night
Track Name: It Has To Be Arranged
It Has To Be Arranged
©2015 Neil Porter

The wind could never blow you out of my head
The wind could never blow you out of my head
“It has to be arranged” she said
The wind could never blow you out of my head

The rain will never wash you out of my heart
The rain will never wash you out of my heart
“It has to be arranged” she said
The rain will never wash you out of my heart

Nothing’s gonna dig you out from under my skin
Nothing’s gonna dig you out from under my skin
“It has to be arranged” she said
Nothing’s gonna dig you out from under my skin
Track Name: Bird Without Wings
Bird Without Wings
2016 Neil Porter
84bpm

Intro: | Em | Bm7 | x4

Em B7
Man is a bird without any wings
CM7 Em
Bird is a man without sorrow
Em B7
I just don’t know what makes me think of these things
CM7 Em
There’ll be some more news tomorrow

Seems like we’re losing sight of the light
We often misread the meaning
Shifting the picture off to the right
Makes it somehow less appealing

Esus4
Its gonna be a long night
A7sus4
Its feeling like a bad dream
Csus4
Its gonna take a long fight
Dsus4
Its gonna be a bad scene
Esus4 A7sus4
We’re just birds
Csus4 Dsus4
Without wings

Up on a wire and out on a limb
Maybe you feel the connection
Caught in a cage and your chances look slim
You might want to change your direction

High and the low, black and the white
We’re all together now, we’re altogether now
Midnight wisdom and eagle sight
Man is a bird without wings

Its gonna be a long night
Its feeling like a bad dream
Its gonna take a long fight
Its gonna be a bad scene
We’re just birds
Without wings

SOLO:
| Em | B7 | CM7 | Em | x2

High as a kite looking down on it all
What will it look like tomorrow?
Man is a bird without any wings
Bird is a man without sorrow

Its gonna be a long night
Its feeling like a bad dream
Its gonna take a long fight
Its gonna be a bad scene
We’re just birds
Without wings
Esus4 A7sus4
We’re just birds
Csus4 Dsus4
Without wings
Esus4 A7sus4
We’re just birds
Csus4 Dsus4
Without wings

Embb5 x 8
Track Name: Be My Dirndl Girl
Be My Dirndl Girl
©2016 Neil Porter

Off the plane in Munich
What could possibly go wrong?
Pambula to Neuhausen

Hand me down my Lederhosen
You can put your Dirndl on
We’re going out to Karneval

Chorus:
I mog da Tanz und Drubl
I mog de ganz Hektic
I mog de schee Marktfweiba
I mog de ganzen Sicht

Wir gehen in die Innenstadt
Wir trink’ ein bißel Bier
Man muß Weißwurst nur am Morgen eßen!

I’ll embrace my inner Bayer
They can’t get me out of here
Gonna tune to Bayern Drei
(from now on)

Chorus:
I mog da Tanz und Drubl
I mog de ganz Hektic
I mog de schee Marktfweiba
I mog de ganzen Sicht

INSTR

Wir können Alpinkatzen hören
Mit Hubert und Zabine
Ich hab’ mich selbst verloren

Dießener Straße, Rotkreuzplatz
And all points in between
Mehr Bier hier, mehr Wurst da
Ja ja

Chorus:
I mog da Tanz und Drubl
I mog de ganz Hektic
I mog de schee Marktfweiba
I mog de ganzen Sicht

Bridge:
Aber!
Die häßliche Hexe aus München
Hat für mir viel’ wahnsinnige Wünsche
Sie wünschte für mir
Kein mehr Wurst, kein mehr Bier
Die häßliche Hexe aus München!
Jawohl!

I hob da Minchna Narrisch gern
Ich bin kein alter Kerl!
Take me back to Nymphenburg

I’m gonna be your Lederhosen boy
You can be my Dirndl girl
We’re going out to Karneval

A ROUGH translation:

Verse 1:
Off the plane in Munich
What could possibly go wrong?
Pambula to Neuhausen (Pambula Beach is where we live in Oz, Neuhausen is the suburb we lived in in Munich)

Hand me down my Lederhosen (traditional Bavarian leather shorts for men)
You can put your Dirndl (traditional Bavarian dress and blouse for women) on
We’re going out to Karneval (long celebrations for Fasching in various parts of Germany)

The chorus is Bavarian(ish) - tut mir Leid Siegfried und Traudl! - and translates something like:
I love the dancing and buzz
I love the whole craziness
I love the pretty market ladies
I love the whole sight (ie thing)

Verse 2:
We go to the city center (Marienplatz)
We drink a small amount of beer
One must eat Weißwurst only in the morning! (a Bavarian culinary rule)

I'll embrace my inner Bayer (Bayer - Bavarian)
They can't get me out of here
Gonna tune to Bayern 3 (a popular radio station in Munich)
(From now on)

Verse 3:
We can hear Alpinkatzen (an Austrian band we first heard at Carnival)
With Hubert and Zabine (Hubert von Goisern and Zabine - leader and sexy yodeller in "der Alpinkatzen")
I got myself lost

Dießener road, Rotkreuzplatz (the street where we were living and a nearby centre)
And all points in between
More beer here more sausages there

The bridge:
But!
The ugly witch from Munich
Has for me many crazy wishes
She wished for me
No more sausage, no more beer
The ugly witch from Munich!
Oh yeah!

I hob da Minchna Narrisch gern (Bairisch "I like the Munich craziness")
Ich bin kein alter Kerl! (German "I'm not an old guy", but there is also a vernacular meaning which I won't go into ;)
Take me back to Nymphenburg (the castle a block or two away from Dießenerstraße)

I’m gonna be your Lederhosen boy
You can be my Dirndl girl
We’re going out to Karneval
Track Name: What Kind Of Men Are They?
What Kind Of Men Are They?
©2015 Neil Porter

I’ve been watching all the news today
Friends and strangers many miles away
I had to turn away I couldn’t look
What kind of men are they?

The world has changed again in just one night
Not much that I can do to put things right
I had to turn away I couldn’t look
What kind of men are they?

I just want to know that you’re alright
I don’t understand what all this means
I’m far away from the city of light
Far away from the land of dreams

Now I’ve heard that you are all OK
The world can wake to face another day
I had to turn away I couldn’t look
What kind of men are they?

We’re all walking round on eggshells now
Life goes on, sometimes I don’t know how
I had to turn away I couldn’t look
What kind of men are they?

I just want to know that you’re alright
I don’t understand what all this means
I’m far away from the city of light
Far away from the land of dreams
Track Name: Tme Will Tell
Time Will Tell
©2016 Neil Porter

People watch circuses
People eat cake
Don’t know where we’re heading
But we’ve made some mistakes

Wonder what’s next
Will the world disappear
What’s coming around the corner
Where do we go from here?

Time will tell
Time will tell
Don’t hold your breath
Waiting for the rest

Time will tell
Time will tell
Time will tell
Time will tell

Time will tell
Time will tell
Don’t hold your breath
Waiting for the rest

Don’t like what you’ve got
Want to give it a shake
(Where do we go from here?)
You’ve lost the plot
And the whole world could break
(Where do we go from here?)

Reality check
Time to think what you’re brewing
(Where do we go from here?)
You’re a total train wreck
That’s the way that we’re going
(Where do we go from here?)
Track Name: Judgement Day
Judgement Day
©2016 Neil Porter

Big fella’s got a good view
Waiting for the judgement day
You know he’s gonna see you
Waiting for the judgement day
On the judgement day
Yeah there’s a judgement day
Big guy blue sky pigs fly
Gonna be a judgement day

Talk back, brain hack, back track
You take my breath away
I wouldn’t want to be you
Waiting at the pearly gates some day
On the judgement day
Yeah there’s a judgement day
Big guy blue sky pigs fly
Gonna be a judgement day

Break

SOLO

Stop boats, blue notes, get votes
You locked them all away
No voice, no hope, no choice
You took their lives away
On the judgement day
Yeah there’s a judgement day
Big guy blue sky pigs fly
Gonna be a judgement day

Break

Hard as steel and cold as ice
You’ll never get to paradise
I really hope you get what’s coming
On the judgement day
On the judgement day
Yeah there’s a judgement day
Big guy blue sky karma’s gonna get ya
On the judgement day

There’s gonna be a judgement day
Track Name: MoJoZu
MoJoZu
©2011 Neil Porter

I’ve got your number in my pocket
I’ve got your sweet face in my head
Gotta get to work
But I think I’ll stay here in bed
I’ve got money in my wallet
Hearing something that you said
I’m gonna get down to the
MoJoZu instead

Down at the MoJoZu
Hanging at the MoJoZu
I’m gonna trawl the lost and found
At the MoJoZu

When your telephone stops ringing
And your rent is overdue
Get yourself on down
To the Mojozu
If your heart has started pounding
Walls are closing in on you
You’d better get down
To the Mojozu

Down at the MoJoZu
Hanging at the MoJoZu
I’m gonna trawl the lost and found
At the MoJoZu

If you’re fighting with your black dog
If there’s danger up ahead
You’d better get down
To the MoJoZu instead
Radar on for early warning
If your code is turning red
You’d better get down
To the MoJoZu instead

Down at the MoJoZu
Hanging at the MoJoZu
I’m gonna trawl the lost and found
At the MoJoZu
Track Name: Paint Them How You Feel
Paint Them How You Feel
©2015 Neil Porter

Trusting you was my first mistake
I didn’t guess you could bring me down so bad
I couldn’t see you were just a fake
Didn’t think you could make me feel so sad

You've seen all the words I've written
You can read me like a book
You can reach your own conclusions
About the roads I took
You can form your own illusions
You can paint them black or white

You were long of limb and I was short of breath
I never thought that my heart could break like that

Would you catch me as I’m falling
Down to earth just like a stone
Or would you watch me as I hit the ground
And leave me there alone
You can have your own illusions
You can paint them black or white

You say you know just how I feel
I never thought I’d hate you being ‘round

I’m putting up my cone of silence
Taking down my “open” sign
Now I’ve seen some dirty players
You’ve done that for quite some time
You can build your own delusions
You can paint them how you feel
Track Name: Swimming In Mud
Swimming In Mud
© 2016 Neil Porter

It’s big and it’s dirty
Like a river in flood
Just like driving in traffic
It’s like swimming in mud
I was drowning in quicksand
I was going down slow
I’ve been swimming upstream
With nowhere to go

I was simmering slowly
Not quite boiling my blood
I stopped taking the tablets
I came down with a thud
Drowning in quicksand
I was going down slow
I’ve been swimming upstream
With nowhere to go

Chorus:
Not going back to Sydney anymore
Don’t want to visit places where I used to go before
I can do without the harbour and the locks upon my door
Ain’t going back to Sydney
Anymore

SOLO

I’ve been burning my bridges
I’m not easily led
While my heart keeps on beating
Then you’ll know I’m not dead
I was drowning in quicksand
I was going down slow
I was swimming upstream
With nowhere to go

There’s no train at the station
There’s no room at the inn
You can lose yourself
In the city of sin
If I’m drowning in quicksand
I’ll be going down slow
I’ve been swimming upstream
With nowhere to go
Track Name: Who You Foolin'?
Who You Fooling?
©2016 Neil Porter

Verse: Cm C7sus4 Cm Csus4
Chorus: Fm C7sus4 Fm Csus4

Don’t misunderstand me
I’ve got promises to keep
You know you make me laugh sometimes
You know you make me weep

Please don’t reprimand me
I’ve got things I need to say
You know how much I’d miss you
If you ever went away

Who you fooling?
Who you letting down this time?
Who said this game is over
It wasn’t me
Who you fooling?
Who you shoving down the line?
Who flushed you out of cover
It wasn’t me

Who you fooling?

Don’t know what you stand for
Seems like we’re in trouble deep
Don’t know where you’re coming from
I don’t know how you sleep

I’m hearing what you’re saying
It means nothing much to me
Not liking what you’re doing
You’re not who I want to be

Who you fooling?
Who you letting down this time?
Who said this game is over
It wasn’t me
Who you fooling?
Who you shoving down the line?
Who flushed you out of cover
It wasn’t me

Who you fooling?

SOLO

We’ve been down this road before
Still haven’t changed my mind
I’ve been doing all I can
You’ve been flying blind

Days of desperation
Nights of deep despair
I hope to see the last of you
You don’t seem to care

Who you fooling?
Who you letting down this time?
Who said this game is over
It wasn’t me
Who you fooling?
Who you shoving down the line?
Who flushed you out of cover
It wasn’t me

Who you fooling?

Who you fooling?
Track Name: Who Walked These Ancient Trails?
Who Walked These Ancient Trails?
©2016 Neil Porter

I want to see the picture that you painted - valley red and gold
I want to turn the pages of the stories in the stones

I hear the voices of the people who have walked these paths before
I heard some stories and I want to hear a whole lot more

I’m going where the sun goes down
Go where the south wind blows
Big river calling me
Shake this shadow off my soul

During the countdown
In my mind I’m wondering
Who walked these ancient trails?
I’m missing your town
Something deep inside of me
Something there is calling me

INSTR

I’m going where the sun goes down
Go where the south wind blows
Big river calling me
Shake this shadow off my soul

Maybe I’ll see you again - through green and white and red and gold
We’ll share a drink or two - I’ll hear your tales unfold

We’ll walk together - and every step you’ll show me more
But until that time comes - I’ll dream just like before

I’m going where the sun goes down
Go where the south wind blows
Big river calling me
Shake this shadow off my soul

During the countdown
In my mind I’m wondering
Who walked these ancient trails?
I’m missing your town
Something deep inside of me
Something there is calling me